remember soy, the incredibly cute girl who's new to lion class at my school? if not, you can see her here and read about her here.

yesterday i was playing with the kids in lion class like i always do, throwing them around and carry on in general. even though i throw them up in the air, i'm really careful to make sure they don't get hurt, that's the main concern i have. usually i pick them up under their arms and just lift them up really high and then bring them back down to the ground.

after soy got her answers right, i decided to try something new, and i picked her up by her wrists and swung her through my legs. no problem, my dad used to do that to us all the time. then i lifted her straight up, and i don't know how it happened, but as i was setting her back down i heard a little pop, and then right away she looked like she was about to cry. she told me her arm hurt.

of course i was in shock. oh my god, i've broken the poor girl's arm, i thought. and not just any kid, the sweetest, cutest, most innocent kid in the school. exactly the child who if you saw them in any pain, would immediately break your heart.

it was hard to imagine how it happened, i thought it might have been her wrist or something. she was holding it really limp, and when i touched it, she winced in pain. i took her downstairs to the front desk, where they usually deal with the kids when they're sick or someone's scratched them in the face or something. i told them what happened, and they were going to help her.

i wanted to kill myself, i couldn't even believe it. as i went back to lion class, i couldn't even teach. i was just sitting there, my mind racing with all the consequences this would have. i mean, she wasn't going to die, but i thought of her having to go to the doctor, getting a cast, perhaps having a bum wrist the rest of her life. then there would be her parents, wanting my head on a stick for having hurt their little angel. of course the school would want to know what sort of dangerous activities i was having them do that would create such an injury. i'd have to confess that it was all my fault. there'd be a big meeting of all the teachers to discuss how to handle the children safely, new rules would have to be put in place because of me. then i'd have to face the other teachers, i'd forever be known as the teacher who broke soy's arm. other students wouldn't come near me, their parents would have warned them to stay away from me. or maybe their parents would just pull them out of the school and move them somewhere else where safety was a real priority. or course then the school would go into financial ruin and would have to close, me and the other foreign teachers would be out on the street.

as all this was going through my mind, soy comes waltzing back into the class, the brightest smile on her face, sucking on a brand new lollipop. it was a miracle, she was okay! i checked her arm to make sure it didn't hurt anywhere, she just smiled and said it felt okay. i gave her the biggest hug, of course not so much that i'd hurt her. i felt like i'd gotten the govenor's pardon two minutes before my execution.

right away, she jumped into her seat, and put her weight on her left arm, didn't seem to have any problem. i just couldn't believe it. all day i just watched her to make sure she wasn't favoring her other arm or anything. i'm still not sure what made that popping sound, but she really did seem fine. i was ecstatic, as well as obsessed with not letting anything more happen to her. or course the minute i turned my head she slipped off the table and hit her head, but she was fine. and then when class ended she ran out the door and collided with a kid from another class who was running by at full speed. she landed on both arms, and popped right back up, so i was finally satisfied that she was okay.

needless to say, since then i've been way more careful with the kids, and the tossing around has been shelved in favor of much safer tricks. i lived the nightmare of having hurt one of them in my head so vividly that i know i never want to have to experience that again.